Sunshine, Perfume and Splatski

Turn the heating up love, it's 15 degrees !

Hello and welcome to the inner workings of Deans mind, we hope that you will enjoy this tour, but remember please don't step outside of the white lines. This is a working and slightly warped mind, so some areas are dangerous. Well what a week, here in the UK we have had lots of Sunshinnnneeee (Said in a Manchester accent) all week, and you know what sunshine means don't you? Yes women wearing hardly any clothes and looking mighty fine, plus it's an awesome excuse to sit outside a pub for a few hours. I even got the car running again this week, and took it out for a little excursion in the sunshine. Windows down, sunglasses on and some quality music streaming from my iPod, now that's the life. I always love the British attitude towards warm weather, we spend 90% of the year moaning how wet and cold it is, but when we're treated to a nice bit of sunshine, all of a sudden it becomes "Too warm". I have an explanation for this effect I believe. It's a very similar principle to this year’s Pirelli Formula 1 tyres (Oh here we go again, Dean's about to hit us with an obscure technical reference that no one understands or even cares about). This year’s tyres have been criticised for only operating in a very narrow temperature range window, The British are like this, anything above 15 degrees is fine, but as soon as it reaches 20 degrees it’s too hot for us to function correctly. Imagine that we are all ice cream lollies. Say a magnum. If you try to eat one whilst it's still frozen solid it’s very hard and almost impossible without hurting your teeth. This is the British for 90% of the year. On the other hand when the magnum has been out of the freezer for a while, once you bite into the chocolate outer coating, all of a sudden the entire lolly suffers structural integrity failure and starts oozing all over your hands and the floor. This is the British when it's warm. So for everyone else in the world, remember that your British friends only have a narrow 5 degrees temperature range of operation without moaning. But I'd like to point out that the British above all else in the world, are world champions at moaning. 

Maybe If we'd concentrated on the packaging

I was watching the TV the other day and saw and advert with a little girl selling lemonade from a stall outside her house And Lewis asked me why it was always Lemonade that people sold from the front of their houses. At that exact moment a memory from my childhood popped into my mind that I haven't recalled for years, so I thought I'd share it with you all, as looking back it was a very bizarre episode. Me and my brother (and I know he'll be giggling his head off when he recalls this) were bored one day so we decided to make something to sell from the front garden of our house. "What were you selling?" I hear you ask, well it wasn't lemonade, and in fact it wasn't a drink at all. No mine and my brothers entrepreneurial idea was to sell perfume from our little stand outside our parents’ home. How did we get hold of perfume at such a young age, well we didn't borrow mum's or dads. No better than that we made it. Now this is where the story gets amusing, plus I don't think I've ever admitted this before in my life, so when my mum reads this blog (Which she will) I'll probably get a telling off, even at the age of 39 for something that happened 30 years ago. What we did, we got a load of my baby sisters empty Cow & Gate baby food jars (My mum used to save them all for some reason, in case there was a world shortage of baby food jars or something) and filled them with water. Now this wasn't very perfume like, so what we needed to do was add some fragrance. So we picked every single Rose flower of my mum's prized rose bushes, and added the petals to the jars. After the bushes were bare of flowers, we let them stand for a few hours whilst we constructed the stand to sell them from and then we were ready for business. Now if my memory serves me correct, and if not my brother will correct me, I don't think we sold a single bottle, we had plenty of customers asking us what we were doing as we set the stall up outside the bus stop next to our house (This was back in the day when everyone used to use public transport as well) but not one was sold, at the time we couldn't understand why, but looking back now it was a ridiculous thing, I mean if I was walking down the street and came across a couple of small children trying to sell me perfume that was in fact a few rose petals in water in baby food jars, I don't think I'd buy any. But hey its memories like this that makes our childhoods so special.

Splatski in it's natural habitat

Also this week I've discovered the adhesive properties of dried Weetabix. Now I don't know if any of you out there have also made this discovery, but dried on Weetabix is the strongest substance known to mankind. In fact I think it's that strong that if Americans made their houses from it, instead of wood, they wouldn't blow away all the time. It’s a rather simple recipe as well. Just add Weetabix and milk together and leave to bake at room temperature for a few days, and hey presto you have the world strongest material. Also whilst I was on the subject of childhood memories, and adhesive properties I would like to remind most of you about a substance known to me and my brother as "Splatski" for those of you who aren’t mentally challenged or slightly insane I'll explain. "Splatski" is the combination of toilet roll and water, and when hurled at velocity sticks to any surface. This isn't the best property of this substance though. If left unattended for a few days, the "Splatski" then dries into the second strongest material ever know, just behind dried Weetabix in fact. Where "Splatski" has its advantages though is that removing it is almost impossible (Ask my dad). You can prove this little known fact for yourself, whenever you walk into a public toilet, or school toilet, there will always be a little mound of dried "Splatski" somewhere, that the janitor has spent years trying to chisel off, only to admit defeat and leave it be, as a memorial to children everywhere.

Right I'm going now to prepare my defence when I go to my parents later on, as I think I may of revealed too much of my childhood crimes. I wasn't me mum, honest, it was our Simon......