Demons, Spiders and Rusks

Have you changed the filter ??

Hello and welcome to this weeks thrilling instalment of Deans Weekly Blog. The official home of the lesser spotted social animal. Well what a week it's been. You know last weeks post about sod's law, well it looks like I may have invoked some sort of ancient demon that senses failure, takes it, throws its head around whilst your gripped inside its locked jaws and spits it back out again. After last weeks post about carefully working out the possibility of something going wrong. This demon has appeared and decided to wreak havoc in my little world for daring to suggest that the laws of nature can be beaten with science. Well this week has been almost like a time travelling experience for me as nearly every day, something has gone wrong in my little world. On Tuesday we went back to 1940's Britain as we had a three hour power cut at work. Now for most people this wasn't a major problem as it was daytime when it happened. Unfortunately though in the IT dungeon that I work in. I'm not allowed windows (Apparently its something to do with safety for passers by, I don't quite know what that means but I get by. Besides who wants natural light when you can bathe in the beauty of multiple LCD screens and a myriad of flashing blinking LEDS in all sorts of colours) So I was plunged into eternal darkness sat at my desk listening to the servers bleep like they were shouting Help me, Help me, Help me .... Unfortunately in the modern age we live in everything is electronic. So everything was crippled from the phone system to the cold drinks machine. I think if we were left much longer one of us would have rediscovered fire and the usefulness that it brings. Luckily order was restored although after everyone else had gone home. The next day of course nearly every computer in the building developed some sort of issue with being shut down unexpectedly, so I was running around like a mad man fixing them all. I was looking forward to getting home and relaxing. I should have known better as the unleashed demon decided that he would tamper with my home life instead. I went to log on to facebook and was greeted with the eternal round spinning thing of doom as I tried to load it. You know the one I mean, instead of an egg timer like the old days, now its an endless spining blue circle that signifies you are about to lose your temper quite quickly. After a little investigation it turned out there was a fault on my broadband line that was only allowing me even slower than dial up speeds. ARRRRGGH It was like being in the 1990's again, waiting 30 Min's to see a picture slowly draw itself across your screen. At least it didn't revert back to the 1980's version of modems where you had to sit the telephone handset into a modem that was nearly as big as my car. So today I've decided that I'm going to sacrifice an offering to the demon to try and appease him, so that I can continue in my plans for world domination (No sorry that's the Freemasons, I mean my plan for global acceptance... no that's aliens. Oh god damn it I cant even come up with an original plan Hmmmmph !!

All your web are belong to us !!

Whilst I'm in one of those moods, I appear to have stumbled upon a secret of the Internet. Quite by accident although other people may be aware of it. Do you realise that nearly everyone who hosts or has a website works for google. Its true if you think about it, and I have everything we do online is for googles benefit. The way you set out a website so that the google spiders can crawl over it to make your website more relevant for search returns. The way that links are built up between yourself and all the sites you visit so that google is aware of which sites have interesting content. Now I'm not writing this to scaremonger at all. In fact if you haven't realised this very blog is hosted by google. But what does frighten me is the fact that the lords of the Internet and all our masters have massive spiders. I picture them like a James Bond villain sat in a rather large leather chair, turning around slowly whilst stroking a 6 foot tarantula. "Run my pretties, run fetch back all the information in the world" MUHAHAHAHAHA. Here's a sobering thought for you all if the world wide web does indeed cover nearly every home and business on the planet. Imagine the size of the spiders that created it *shudders*. Also Mr google, on a personal note, I would love to know why that Blogger, which is a site specifically designed for writing blogs, yes that's blogs. Why when I type a post and spell check it (yes I do make mistakes due to the fact that I just hammer away on the keyboard and don't look what I'm putting. Which may also explain some of the content) the spell checking tool doesn't recognise the word BLOG. now I may be a little pedantic about this but Blog is obviously a real word in the dictionary. The site is called Blogger, it's for people's Blog's, (you see where this is going) so put blog in the dictionary that the spell checker uses. I would like to apologise, for if this little mini rant has caused some techie sat in a basement somewhere in the world who's job it is to write the dictionary for the blogger dashboard, to be taken outside and whipped in public, and all his star wars memorabilia removed from his desk, and sent home to contemplate what he has done. I'm sorry

For children from 18 months to 40 years

Apparently this week, I've been told that I'm too grown up, and not childish enough. An accusation by the way that I  totally refute. How can anyone who gets that excited playing a video game that requires you to bounce on a drum to launch yourself into the air to punch a chicken. And then start singing songs about bouncing on a drum and punching a chicken. Not only that but then record the song into the songify app to create a jazz hip hop fusion of the bouncing on a drum punching a chicken song. And then uploading it onto my friends facebook page so we can all have a giggle at the stupidity of the song. How can any of this be deemed as being too grown up. If I was anymore childish I'd still be eating rusks (Although that wouldn't be a bad thing as the rusk is the tastiest food I've ever had. I fondly remember eating half of both of my sons rusk supplies when they were babies. There's a thing as well. Why don't they make a grown up version of rusks, they really ought to I know I'd buy them. In fact I might even start an Internet campaign for rusk manufacturers to produce adult rusks, who's gonna sign up?). So I'm going to take the suggestion that I'm too grown up and extend my middle finger in its direction.

This weeks blog has been brought to you in conjunction with Bounty. The chocolate bar that keeps on giving