Where's Dean, DIY SOS and Superflies

You can't see me .... right !

Hello again, the astute amongst you will notice that there wasn't a blog post last week, This was because last Sunday I went to the Waddington International Airshow, (And not because I'm a lazy feck, and should have written it the day before, some of us have lives and don't spend all their time sat in front of a computer most days, unfortunately I tend to fall outside this bracket). Anyway, it was a very up and down sort of day, when I awoke at 5 am it was a lovely warm sunny day, I checked the weather forecast and it said warm but a little cloudy in the afternoon, so I went with a shorts and T shirt combo. Fail, the one thing that I never took into account, but should have done, was the Great British weather. So by lunchtime it was freezing cold and raining. Now most normal people, including the rest of my party, had the foresight to take jumpers and coats with them in case the weather turned, not me, as usual in my lapsidasical way, I hadn't even thought that the weather forecast could be anything but as advertised (At this point advertisers are rubbing their hands in glee thinking, here's a gullible sucker who believes anything, write his number down, I'm sure he'll want to buy the "Paint Pad Pro" for only £29.99, but wait not only do you get the "Paint Pad Pro" for £29.99, we'll also chuck in a mini "Paint Pad Pro" plus extra pads. But that's not the end of the offer for only £29,99 we'll give you the "Paint Pad Pro", the mini "Paint Pad Pro", plus the extra pads. We'll also give you a second "Paint Pad Pro" as well free, so that's two "Paint Pad Pro's" a mini "Paint Pad Pro" and extra pads, all for only £29.99. Now if you don't believe that's a good offer, here's TV's Tommy Walsh to tell you how good "Paint Pad Pro" is. SOLD) anyway this left me wandering around the Airbase getting rather soggy until I happened to purchase a British Army desert camouflage jacket. Cue much hilarity from my brother, as to say I looked like a tit was a slight understatement. Although for the record, I was very dry and warm, and enjoyed walking around pretending to be some sort of real life Action Man. My brother started using the hashtag #Where'sDean (why I hear you ask? because I was wearing camouflage, I couldn't be seen as I was blending into the environment like some sort of six foot ninja chameleon. Where's Dean? I don't know, I can't see him on this big grey runway, unless he's near that pile of desert looking rock and sand, no silly that's me I was blending into my environment. Anyway what a long winded way to say I bought a coat, and mainly because that's all this blog post is about.

What could possibly go wrong !!

Also this past week or so, I've been dabbling again in the art of DIY. Now those of you that know me will realise two things. 1 - that it probably won't get finished (Although in my defence, I have every intention this time around to finish the job). And 2 - It will probably result in some form of injury. So whilst removing some old pipework from my living room, and wiring in an extra plug socket. I went in my tool box to find some cable clips, pulled my hand out and blood was gushing from a cut finger. Now that's not that bad I hear you say, but every time I attempt DIY I always end up with blood spurting out from some point on my body. The greatest injury I ever sustained has to be the time that I drilled into my own arm. How did I manage that, well I still ask myself that question to this day. I think that I slipped whilst drilling a hole for some shelf's, whilst balanced precariously on the top of the sofa. (I would like to point out that had I performed a risk assessment before undertaking this operation, then the outcome may have been slightly different ... BIGGER DRILL) and slipped thus drilling a hole straight through my arm. Cue more blood spillage and getting moaned at for decorating the living room, and not with paint. So you think I'd of learned my lesson by now that when I play with power tools, it ends up looking like there has been a zombie slaying fest in my house.

No not that Superfly !!

Also as you may have noticed it is the season that all the flies in the world return to annoy you. Now I've blogged about flies and their antics before, and although they attempted world domination, they were defeated via the gift of the rolled up magazine. But this year they have regrouped and strengthened their defences. We are not facing the threat of flies alone, now we are facing genetically mutated super flies. They appear to have come back this year with upgraded armour, and super abilities. I must have gone through at least twenty cans (maybe a slight exaggeration there!) of fly spray, but the flies just style their hair into some sort of quiff, and then carry on flying around and vomiting on shit. Maybe they have spent the last year developing an anti fly spray armour that they are all currently wearing. Never mind though human ingenuity will win through, I'm currently hiding away in the laboratory developing a super strong version of hello magazine to help with swotting. Anyway I'm going now to turn my cans of fly spray into a napalm firing flame thrower... Die bastards !!

See you soon .... bye !